It was only the start of summer vacation and things were going badly, very badly. The boys had started their summer break already sick of each other's company and were arguing non-stop. JB was overwhelmed with job stresses, and my dad was in the process of being diagnosed with lung cancer.
We were desperate. Usually we have a very strict no-electronic games policy in our house, but summer break had conveniently started right when we least wanted it to. Besides, it was summer break, and the boys should enjoy a few forbidden pleasures that were normally off-limits during the school year, right? I was hesitant, since the last time we had allowed video games it hadn't ended very well. But I was not the parent at home with two rowdy boys who was trying to work. So after much discussion and endless promises from the boys that they were going to be "good", JB put the games back on the Kindle and let the boys have at it.
I'm not going to lie--the first few days were heavenly. Insta-babysitter! Hours went by and we didn't hear a peep from the boys. Of course, we tried to set "limits", but who were we kidding ourselves? It was so much easier to let them play on their devices then try to come up with activities for two (super) energetic boys that would rather be in a huge wrestling match all day. June came and went, and the tension in our lives increased. I was running my dad to several appointments and tests, and the stress in our family was reaching a maximum. Our boys continued to eat, sleep, and breathe video games. At the start of July, things had quieted down a bit, and JB thought it was time to set limits on the games. Again, this seemed like the answer. After an hour, the Kindles would immediately shut off and there would be no arguments. Easy, right? Instead, we found that their desire to play only increased. The boys would wait all day, passing the time, so that they could get on their Kindles. They seemed to be at odds with themselves and with each other. They would only think of what they could do once they got their hands on their games.
One day in early July, I received a message from JB that said "Video games are destroying our family" and that we were going to have a family council about it the next day. Family councils are when we allow each member of our family to express their opinions on a certain topic before we vote on it and come to a consensus. Before bed that evening, I asked the boys how they would vote, and that I already suspected I knew the answer.
Lewis surprised me with his answer. He told me that when he played video games, everything else seemed much less interesting. It was harder to play outside or do other activities he normally enjoyed. The next day we held our council. I had expected so much push-back from the boys, but they readily agreed with removing the games. Simon repeated that it was destroying our family. The vote was 4-0. At the same time, I passed out slips of paper to everyone and had them write down what they needed from other members in the family. Both boys presented the same answer. They wanted attention and time spent together as a family.
It has been several weeks since we reinstated our family policy, and already I see the changes in my boys. Their interests in other things have returned, and they are playing outside with other boys in the neighborhood. They are drawing again. The Lego room is back in use. They have learned to entertain themselves once again.
I'm not saying what we did as a family is what everyone else should do. Other kids may be different and not become as addicted to video games as our boys became. But when I look at other boys in airports, restaurants, and other public places, I too often see boys with their eyes glued to a screen or completely non-communicative with headphones on.
In this day and age, it has become all about "girl power". We encourage our girls to run a 5k, become a scientist, and teach them they can become anything we want. However, at the same time, we have neglected our boys and think that if we can just plug them into a screen, they will be happy. Our boys need the same encouragement! Instead, they have become overlooked as they retreat more and more into a digital world.
I am not the perfect parent, and I mess up more times than I care to count. However, there is one thing I will be proud that I did as their mother. When my boys look back at their childhood, I know that they will remember more than just a virtual world. They will remember real-life experiences and people. Right now, they understand that they are different than the other kids at school and have no clue what Roblox or Fortnite is about, and they are OK with it. However, as they become older and seek more acceptance from their peers, they might start resenting our rules. My hope is that as we become more aware of the addictive properties of screen time, other parents will join me and encourage their sons to put away the tablets, smart phones, and laptops. The time to start is now before we lose our bright and beautiful boys.
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